Dysfunctional Illaureate

by Walker

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05:01
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03:02
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04:12
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01:48
13.
06:59
14.
(free) 02:15

credits

released January 1, 2004

All songs written by Mark Walker except 14: Lennon/McCartney

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Walker Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Better Than You
Look out behind you
Here comes that subtle glance
It's here again to tell me that
I'm better than you
I'm better than you
I'm so much better...

Can't quite convince you
When I'm unsure of me
Deep down I have to tell myself
I'm better than you
I'm better than you
I'm so much better than this

Hands thrust in my pockets,
Dare not look up off the floor
To see the look reminding me
I'm better than you
I'm better than you
I'm so much better...

It's not so much the sound I make
As what I'm trying to say
While deep down I have to tell myself
I'm better than you
I'm better than you
I'm so much better than this

This is not who I am
What I'm supposed to be
Someone much better than me
Someone you'll never see

I came with all the right parts
But all the wrong directions
Not much of an equation to prove that
I'm better than you
I'm better than you
I'm so much better

Bound, gagged, and caged,
My personal best has come of age
And still no one to see how much I'm
I'm better than you
I'm better than you
I'm so much better than this

This is not who I am
What I'm supposed to be
Someone much better than me
Someone you'll never see
Track Name: Goodbye Jenny
I can't help but notice that we've become
A breeding ground for contempt and despise
Your blackened eyes and the scars I hold in my arms
All misgiving to the words of the wise

Now something we all see comes from you...

We came together and created the beautiful
But this blessing was a burden to be
This body's mine and I'll do damn well as I please
But what's inside of you is still half of me

Now something we all see comes from you...

So goodbye Jenny, hello grief
I wear my insides like a wreath
I know we said it's best this way
So goodbye now, just go away

Battle-weary, we see where it is we stand
We can't recover from the loss of our child
I'm haunted by a ghost between you and me
The screaming voice that was never alive

Now something we all see comes from you...

So goodbye Jenny, hello grief
I wear my insides like a wreath
I know we said it's best this way
So goodbye now, just go away

We both made a promise that we're not going to fight
But that was yesteryear...
Now we're both beaten down with no end in sight
So much for yesteryear...

Just say my piece, then a quick release
Is all that I can do
The ones who truly will appreciate life the most
Are those who suffer through

So goodbye Jenny, hello grief
I wear my insides like a wreath
I know we said it's best this way
So goodbye now, just go away

You're someone we all see
Track Name: Blind Road
The blind road you won't take
Will lead you to protection
The road you choose to take
Will lead you to destruction
Submersed in deep blue sea
You know your ship is sinking
You're a red flag waving high
But I don't know what you're thinking

You're only human, why crucify yourself?
No more than human, can you deny yourself?

The water from the stream
All spills before you pour it
I reach to pull you free
But you choose to ignore it

You're only human, why crucify yourself?
No more than human, can you deny yourself?

Scattered at your feet
The pictures that remind you
A mask that we once wore
Bloodstains that trail behind you

You're only human, why crucify yourself?
No more than human, can you deny yourself?

The blind road you won't take
Will lead you to protection
Track Name: Family Tree
I'm sitting in the middle of a mediation
Flanked by matriarchy on both sides
The senseless bickering goes in one ear and out the other
A crown achieved by forsaken pride

But it's hard to be heard when you're still just a kid
You're better off not listening
A strict measure loses all of it's reason and rhyme:
"Do what I say, not what I do"

But I try to do the right thing
I just know what's best for me
But I'm so sick of this
And what this means to me

Now I sit and watch the fists fly from a safer distance
The matriarchy at each other's throats
The ill-communication is a form of retardation
Self-denial is their comfort zone

And suddenly I've become everybody's best friend
They love me now that I'm leaving home
A peace-keeper never gets any peace in return
So pardon me while I use the door

But we don't care, we pretend it's alright...

But I try to do the right thing
I just know what's best for me
But I'm so sick of this
And what this means to me

But we don't care, we pretend it's alright...
Track Name: Jaded
Time again
To look at what is so familiar
Like it's always been
Closing my eyes
Hoping never more to see
The void of your surprise

Am I so jaded?
I must be jaded

I despise
My all too unforgiving
Cynical right eye
I criticize
Take away your points for style
Unbecoming crooked smile

Am I so jaded?
I must be jaded

Don't ask me what's been spoken
Don't care what you've been told
No crime where nothing's sacred
Don't shudder when you're chosen

Why arise?
Even if I cut to the chase
I've seen it all before
No feeling
Nothing phases me at all
Wake me up if I'm alive

Am I so jaded?
I must be jaded

Don't ask me what's been spoken
Don't care what you've been told
No crime where nothing's sacred
Don't shudder when you're chosen

I must be
It must be me
Track Name: Et Tu, Brutus?
Bless me with your wisdom: fair
Show me that you really care
Split the atom like a pear
But I'll never let you touch me there

Help me
Don't you get what I'm saying?
Somebody help me
Can't you answer my praying?
Please help me
This ain't no joke that I'm playing
Won't you help me
What's that you're saying?

Somebody help me.

But you don't have the guts to stay
Turn your head, it goes away
My dying words will only say
YOU ARE WORTHLESS.
Track Name: Prayed In My Sleep
Once again
I find I prayed in my sleep
I know this means something to me
Like a promise I keep

But when the morning comes
The light I see breaks suddenly and

Within my reach
An introduction to birth
Steam rising from the newborn
A mother's gift for the earth

But light is sobering
And what I see will cease to be and

Dreams like these will fade away...

Crying out loud
But not yet able to speak
The babe reaches out to the whole world
Only knowing to breathe

My tears begin to flow
As fragilety and innocence grow

Once awake
I see the miracle fold
The beauty that grew in my eyes
Comes crashing down in the cold

But when the winter comes
Survival kicks in suddenly and

Dreams like these will fade away...
Just like you and I will fade away.
Track Name: Girl Behind Glass
A lot of time has come and gone
Travelled on
Since I knew you

And in this time you've bound and tied
Learned to hide
The truth

Does the sun go out at night
Do your demons come alive
Inside of you

And now I feel like I'm losing
One of my own

Now did your hero fall from grace
Strike your face
With the hand that first held you

And do you live just one more day
To hear me say those three little words:
He abused you

In all the ways you had to see
How they drowned your purity
The stranger grew

It's like I don't even know you anymore
Sometimes I don't think I know you at all...

And now I feel like I'm losing
One of my own

And still the empty echoes...
Track Name: And The Band Played On
(gratuitous guitar solo)
Track Name: Deep Blue Sea
We've got a mountain to climb
But we'll never get there on time
Please be kind, rewind the fall
By taking the rest of it all

The reason is easy to see
Just lying there laughing at me
And in your place to cast the stone
Your laughter is standing alone

Don't think I care about you at all...
Don't think I care about you, 'cause
I am nothing, and you are nothing to me

To seal our fate you bring the end
By burning the bridge we stand in
If you insist that this must be
Then put us out of your misery

Don't think I care about you at all...
Don't think I care about you, 'cause
I am nothing, and you are nothing to me

Life leaves a lot that's left to explain
Life leaves a lot I know I can't change
But I'm not complaining
Now that you are nothing to me
Track Name: Defense For A Murder
Anyone who eventually comes undone
May know their right from wrong
But the party's just begun

Anyone who eventually offs their mom
They must be sick and wrong
What's the sense of hanging on?

Anyone who eventually jacks their dad
Just sees a ghost they never had
So why should they be sad?

"Bang! Bang! I'D shoot him... right in the head!"

Oh, doesn't that feel better now?
Let it all come out
Come out
Yeah, it's no sooner said than done
It's all come out
Come out

Anyone who finally loses face
Should never be replaced
Identity erased

Anyone beaten inches from their life
By their father or his wife
Has my blessing with a knife

"HA HA! Come on, now... relax!"

Oh, don't you feel better now?
Let it all come out
Come out
Yeah, it's no sooner said than done
It's all come out
Come out

Anyone who's been stripped of all their pride
No dignity left inside
And nowhere else to hide
Anyone shown how much they're unloved
By the hands that reach above
Takes a homicidal drug

Anyone driven to the point of believing that
killing the cause of their pain is the only way to make it stop
Has suffered enough.
Track Name: Wave
The sun setting alone again in an unforgiving city of dark
Not one but you to answer to the broken world you've torn apart
It's not a question of if, but when, all the panic-stricken run to your door
We're not here to beg you for shelter,
We're here to make you pay for subscribing to the powers that be
You find, you see

Too bad that this gleaming page of your history will go unturned
Forgiveness don't come easily; it's a hard, hard lesson you learn
The taste of blood unmistakeable to you
Although you know it isn't your own
So don't try to talk me out of believing what I see
When it's lying here in front of me
You find, you see
Track Name: Hollow Seed
I should have seen it coming
Life lesson birthed last summer
I don't know where you come from
But I know I've seen you somewhere

I finally came up for air
Almost drowned while testing water
I never knew that I'd be found
By the one who sent me there

Inside, so much the same
The likeness scares me away
Am I blind? Who knows to say?
A hollow seed planted inside of me

And grows
And still
It comes
Becomes...

Wait and see what happens tomorrow
What's undone will cast no shadow...

But still I wonder...

You shouldn't know what I'm thinking
The ending just might scare you
For all this world offered
Suicide was sweeter for her

Inside, so much the same
The likeness scares me away
Am I blind? Who knows to say?
A hollow seed planted inside of me

And grows
And still
It comes
Becomes...

Wait and see what happens tomorrow
What's undone will cast no shadow

But still I wonder...

Will you be here next summer?